The most horrifying thing for a person can be failure. It’s uncomfortable to fail, no one wants to fail and it ends up being typically an inevitable thing before success. It may not happen to you for a particular task but at some point you’re probably going to encounter failure in your life.
Why might you be afraid of failure?
- Trying to constantly achieve some sort of level of perfectionism. Sometimes we may feel pressured to do so much and if we slightly slip up it ends up feeling absolutely disastrous for us. We think that in order to succeed we have to never fail ever which isnt the case at all. We think that being perfect is needed and anything slightly less is a failure too even if it’s not. This ends up being all or nothing thinking which is destructive to ourselves because sometimes when we fail we really don’t we just don’t hit a certain level or do a certain thing well enough based on our own standards versus the actual reality and how things are.
- We take failure as a hit to our identity, something that makes us feel like that if we feel no one will like us anymore or treat us the same way. We attach our identity to our success and our failures.
- Lastly, sometimes it has to do with low self esteem and never valuing yourself and who you are and not being able to see yourself as a good enough person. Levels of anxiety build up and make you feel like your just not a good person or deserve it or are even capable of doing something like this. You end up underestimating yourself and shoot yourself down which ends leading to failure which then confirms the reality as truth and not self esteem.
Dealing with Failure
1.)What are your biggest Fears?
What are your biggest fears when it comes to this task? How do you deal with them when it comes to something like this? Figuring out what they are can be a way to process and handle situations when they come up of what you’re afraid of. By confronting some hypothetical scenarios you can process these issues and figure out plans to handle some of these things if they were to occur. If we don’t prepare at least somewhat for these scenarios we can get stuck and freeze up or simply avoid doing the tasks and hand.
- When focusing on your fears you want to think of the worst possible scenarios that could happen to you. Then what you want to do is figure out in what way you can tackle that worst case scenario. It’s important not to stress yourself too much about this so that way you don’t get lost down a rabbit hole of negativity.
- Look for evidence that supports otherwise and why you may not fail. Sometimes when it comes to dealing with our worries about failure they are overhyped in our minds’ eyes. We over think about it and catastrophize.
2.)Learn to be in the Present Moment
A lot of our fear can simply come from focusing and being too fixated on what could be. We can get trapped in loop thoughts about the future and what could happen and not what is going on now. The only moment that exists is simply right now. The best way to deal with tasks and tackle them is simply by working on dealing with what you can do today. Focusing on the future problems that cant happen and getting super wrapped up in them. Here is couple of ways you can be more in the present moment.
- Learning to be grateful in the moment now is something that can help you realize how far you have come along. When we forget to look at the present moment we forget how much has happened for us. We forget that there is so much to be grateful for in general when we allow ourselves to be nicer to ourselves. We help take off some of the pressure and anxiety of what could be and focus on what truly is and what you have and have accomplished thus far in life.
- Take a break from social media, in this day in age we can feel so left behind so lost and confused. When we add social media to this mix we typically end up comparing ourselves never feeling like what we do is enough or that we could never be like that and how there are so many people out there doing the things we wish we could. By disconnecting from social media we aren’t as likely to feel like a failure because it can help us from comparing to each other and when we stop and take a moment to realize what you are doing is enough and that you are working for is better you can be happy with that fact rather than see how everyone else seems to have everything figured out. Its important to note and a useful reminder that social media mostly reflects all the positives in people’s lives and the perfections of people’s lives, not the issues but how their life is so amazing. Doing this can help reduce your anxiety around failure.
- Learn to forgive yourself and the mistakes you have made in the past. Learning to let go can help you deal with accepting that failure happens and that it is okay. Beating yourself up tirelessly will end up getting you nowhere whatsoever. When we learn to be a little easier on ourselves we can make it easier to succeed because you don’t allow yourself to have the extra pressure and need for that success. Learning to let go of past failures will help you connect with now and focus on getting things you set out to get accomplished.
3.)Shifting to a More Postive Mindset
Shifting your mindset over time can gradually help elevate your anxiety around failure. Obviously this isnt a quick fix solution and will need to happen over time but if you take the time to do this you can make it easier for yourself in the future. There are definitely small things you can do in the moment as well but its important to remember this is a long term solution and will take effort and mindfulness from you on a regular basis. Learning to shift a mindset is difficult and won’t happen overnight.
- At the end of day a small thing you can do is try to think of the good things that happened to you or for you. Small things that you can appreciate over time. Now this will be harder to think of on your more challenging days but worth it because you will be able realize even if you had a setback that day or failure there was still good small things that came from it.
- Try to surround yourself with more positive people. Trying to find people who have a happier outlook on life can help boost your mood and help you realize that there are good things in this world and not everything is all doom and gloom. You can also talk to those people and ask them how they deal with failure and what they do to deal with their problems before the fact and after the fact. You can learn about how to react better to situations that are not as favorable by example. Over the course of time these people will probably be the ones to influence you as well., if you end up spending your time with really negative people this will only feed into your negativity and worry about failure. Spending time with people who are not only just okay with failure but embrace can teach you to do the same as well as handle it better.
- Learn to practice gratitude. Taking time to appreciate everything that you have and has happened for you can help you center yourself in reality and not be so anxious about what might not happen and how things could go awry. A way of going about this could be as simple as something like a gratitude journal.
In Summary: Things don’t always go the way we want and we get terrified if we don’t have things go the way we want. This ends up stopping us from really setting out or even trying if the fear within us builds up and keeps us from accomplishing things. By taking time to work on building a more positive foundation and identifying what scares us the most we can start to pick apart the pieces and work through these fears from a more logically and grounded place. It is also important to note trying to do the work when you’re not as emotionally charged and work on it in a state of peace and calm. Spending time with your friends to help you get to these places of relaxation and ease is the best way to go about it while also learning from them to be in a happier state of mind even if things aren’t always perfect.